Keep Calm and Carry On...Camping

After school today my kids played their current favourite game. It’s called ‘let’s jump about on the trampoline wrapped up in sleeping bags’. Admittedly it’s not much of a game, but they’re happy, so who am I to intervene? The game started when my other half ventured into the shed (there’s just enough room to get a foot in, then you have to reach in and pull things out one by one and hope they don’t come crashing down on you – particularly the hedge trimmer) to ‘check over’ our camping gear.

 

Always bring a mallet - and a very patient child

 

As you can imagine, given the weather over the last couple of summers, it has been a while since we have been camping as a family. We’ve had some short local bursts, and shared someone else’s tent on another occasion but this time around we are going en famille for four full nights. That’s the plan anyway. Let’s hope the weather plays nice.

This upcoming adventure has elicited various reactions from the family. While hubby has concentrated his efforts on ensuring we have fire and light, I have been obsessing about food and sleeping arrangements and the children have been collecting mountains of toys they seem to think they are bringing along (ha!). So far we have bought a roof box for the new car, since it has a smaller boot than the previous one, a food thermos and kettle (my demands), one new camping chair (I’m currently in negotiations about who will actually get to sit on it since this one has flowers on it and the others are a dull green) and a table (bought to use during meal times but already appropriated for colouring). And we haven’t even left yet…

 

'Actually, this chair is taken Mummy'

With all this fuss and expense, it got me wondering why exactly is it that people who normally live in a warm, insulated house with hot and cold running water and a kitchen full of food opt to spend a night, well, outside, basically. And this is what I’ve come up with:

Time out

No, not that thing you order your kid to take when you are worried you might swear repeatedly in front of them – but time away – from work, daily chores, school, the TV, the smartphone (deep breaths now Vanessa, you can do it), crowded towns and cities and the mountain of plastic junk and clutter you usually find in the average family home. Without all this noise and these distractions, it’s just possible you might dig deep and talk to and entertain each other. Maybe play cards (spice up poker by playing for toilet paper), tell stories, climb trees and explore. It’s called bonding. But you are not allowed to use duct tape.

Do something different

The good thing about a tent is that it is nothing like your home (although this is also the bad thing about a tent). You do not have a kitchen, individual bedrooms, radiators and, ahem, a bathroom. This means you have to do everyday things differently. Eating, sleeping, washing, cooking – all the usual routines go out the window (yeah, there’s none of them either) which can actually be quite liberating. You might find you are more resourceful than you thought. It’s at times like this you realise that you can build a fire, remember what the different constellations are called and tie a pretty mean knot.

Flexibility & budget

Although the initial outlay for a decent tent and a few essential items might seem a bit steep, if you look after your camping gear it should last. Thereafter, camp sites themselves are pretty cheap and obviously if you compare a trip under canvas to a holiday that involves a flight abroad or a stay in a hotel, you are still going to be quids in. Likewise, camping offers the sort of flexibility you can’t find in brochures. While the better sites are often booked up at popular times (like the summer holidays), there will always be the opportunity to go camping at a moment’s notice (and if torrential rain is forecast, the ability to put the tent back in the shed for another year!).

 

Your car keys - you can leave at any time...



 

So are you tempted? If you are, you might want to take some advice on kit from a professional (in case you haven't guessed I am not a professional camper...) – and take a look at these campsites (a partnership between the Forestry Commission and the good old Camping and Caravanning Club) or try The Guardian’s recent Top Ten of sites for location ideas. Alternatively if you don’t fancy full-on camping, you could try 'glamping', where there are a few more mod cons (in this case a vintage loo, sleeping ‘quarters’, a wood-fired oven – and yes – the proverbial kitchen sink). I’m strangely drawn to this option myself!!

Let me know about your camping experiences and tips below – or if you just can’t stand the idea – tell me why! It’s not too late for me to change my mind…!!

Swings and roundabouts...

The other week I forgot non-uniform day. I wasn’t the only one of course, and after delivering the kids to school on time, I returned for their morning break with their own clothes so they could get changed to ‘civvies’. To be fair to my girls, they didn’t make a fuss; there were no scenes or tears, I volunteered to come back with the alternative outfits. If anything, I think they were a bit stunned that Mummy had dropped the ball. I can honestly say it’s the first time I’ve forgotten a school event/special day sort of thing.

 

The dreaded work/life balance

Just the once in four years isn’t bad right? But I felt bad. I thought it related directly to the fact that I’ve been flirting with the idea of going back to work since September. That’s seven months of writing this blog, managing a couple of Pinterest accounts, completing a smattering of creative writing projects and a smidgen of networking. My life is no longer ‘just’ about the children – I have some other responsibilities and other interests.

More recently I have noticed my mind wandering and wondering. What do I want to ‘be’ in the future? How do I want to spend my time? What impact will my working have on my children, both emotionally and in a practical sense? Alongside that I’m left questioning if I’m actually capable of working again? Have I been out of the loop for too long? Do I have the confidence to meet new people, in a territory beyond the mummydom I’ve become a native of? I don’t even have a copy of my CV to hand…

 

And it seems I’m not alone.  A quick check on the Mumsnet boards reveals the agonies mums returning to work face. Members are asking if they can go back to work, if full time or part time is best, how they will manage to fit a career around their children, which careers are most flexible, if they can cope with parental guilt and where, oh, where, can they get a decent cleaner?! Further Googling brings up plenty of advice too – how to decide the type of career that might suit you, how to choose childcare and more practical info on tax and benefits. Bloggers too are discussing the merits of mothers in the workforce.

Childhood should be cherished - not put on a schedule

 

At the top of my list are concerns about achieving a balance – really asking myself how much time I want to spend working and whether I am motivated by money or the need to challenge myself or even to set an example for my girls? Alongside that, it’s suddenly dawned on me that just as I am getting my business appetite back I’m fast approaching six weeks of ‘summer’ holidays. Even during term time there are sick days, inset days and half terms to allow for. To achieve my goals in both my career and as a mother would I turn into an OCD organiser – flapping my things to do list in my loved-ones faces and running what should be the halcyon days of childhood with military precision?

I feel like I have a lot of questions – and that my answers still need a bit of work. I think it’s likely that I’d remain working from home, living the freelance lifestyle I enjoyed before babies came along. In some ways that affords me the freedom to juggle my working day to suit my own schedule, but it could also mean that I’ll find it difficult to say ‘no’ to clients, and assume responsibility for far more than I would as an employee. In fact, today is actually National Work from Home Day, which is set up to get the UK to re-evaluate the work/lifestyle mix.

I’d love to know what you feel about the difficulties of combining a family with work, and if you are considering returning to work after a career break. Please use the comment box below to add your thoughts. Maybe my concerns are common ones – or maybe this dilemma is different for you?

The Best and Worst bits of a sickness bug!

This week my youngest had a vomiting bug, so I had plenty of time to examine the high and low lights of this common parenting experience. Turns out it's not all bad...

1. You can’t leave the house. Which gives you a chance to do all those things you forgot to do yesterday. But you CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE, so if you need milk, bread, cereal, anything, you are stuffed (I guess you should have done it yesterday).

Tip: Never tend to a vomitting child while wearing a ball gown...

2. You can’t go to the gym. So you will get fat – but it’s not your fault you can’t go to the gym, so you’re blameless (this time). You could always make up for it by cleaning windows or scrubbing floors (yeah, right!). Or maybe I could practice a few of the Darcey Bussell Pilates moves a friend told me about…

3. Your little darling can’t go to school so you don’t need to hurry them up in the morning.  But arrrgh, your other child does have to go to school – so how’s that going to work? (Thank heavens for other mummies). Repeat this thought process at 3.20pm.

4. You can get all the washing done – hurrah! Now you have a pile of clean washing to put away – boo!

5. Lunch is already made. It’s sitting in a lunchbox in the fridge. But that’s all that is in the fridge (see first point).

6. You can plant out those hardened off veggies you have because it is a lovely sunny day. Which means you can get a break from CBeebies (Mr Bloom doesn’t do anything for me I’m afraid). But don’t forget your SPF cream ‘cos it’s the one day of summer we’re getting this year – ouch!!!

Mr Bloom: I don't want to cuddle up to his courgette thank you very much

7. You aren’t using your washing up bowl for washing up ever again – good. But that is only because it has had vomit in it – which you have had to clear way – BAD.

8. Your parenting duties are pretty minimal since no food or activities are required for your sick offspring. Apart from the occasional retching sound, your child will be happy to sit still; wrapped up in a quilt on the sofa (I’d be happy with that too…). However CBeebies will drive you around the bend and the parenting duties you fulfil are likely to involve bodily fluids and neurotic worrying.

9. Since the fridge is empty you can see the shelves clearly – and what you can see it that they need a clean. You don’t have anything else to do so you have to clean them. So don’t look at the oven, too late – now you’ll have to clean that too (this is getting way out of hand). There is no upside to this.

10. It’s all over in a few days. Just as you were beginning to enjoy seeing your little sausage that bit more, just as you had rearranged your schedule and re-organised your life to adapt to current limitations, it’s all change again. Suddenly you’re back on the school run, knocking up pack lunches and spending the day by yourself. And I’m still working out if that is the best or worst scenario…

And how about you? Do you enjoy the extra cuddles you get with a child off sick from school – or have you had your fill of kiddie illnesses?

Your trash is their treasure

There’s a moment when the doors to the Reception Class first swing open at 3.20pm (or thereabouts) that the eager parents outside visibly swell. I think they are all hoping that their child may, just this once, get out first (that is what I am wishing anyway). My child is rarely out first of course since she is arranging and rearranging her multitude of bags and outer garments. Just. The. Way. She. Likes. Them. (One does not simply leave school…)

Those 'roof tiles' took ages...

 

Frustrating as this is, it does afford me the opportunity to watch with amusement as an enormous mound of gummy cardboard, masking tape and plastic yogurt pots exits. This happens at least once at every pick up. And above the creation there will be a pair of eyes wild with excitement while tiny little legs protrude below. Usually the child will be met with parental enthusiasm, some vocal praise and the subtle question ‘what is it?’. Oh, how those kiddies love their junk!

And indeed junk modelling is firmly on the academic curriculum. Only the other week I was in for a ‘mummy helper’ stint while the whole school got busy with old boxes and other random reclaimed items. This time much of the focus was on planning beforehand by making a diagram and working as a team to bring that imagining to life. Hopefully that led to the use of interpersonal skills such as presenting ideas and negotiating (yep, I heard some negotiating alright). And there was certainly a lot of imagination (as well as PVA glue) being used that day.

In fact there are bona fide reasons behind crafting with 3D items. Believe it or not all that rubbish can help teach about balance and symmetry, size and shape and spatial relations. It also involves problem-solving, trial and error and creative-thinking. There’s a fair bit of motor skills involved too. Best of all from my point of view, it can get girls into building, skills which they sometimes skim over in their desire to nurture everything from a floppy plastic doll to a collection of wilting daisies.

'A dinosaur, a tree for him to eat from and some grass for him to stand on'

 

Perhaps one of the things that will also delight your little ‘un when they get to junk model at school or home or toddler group, is the freedom they get to create what the heck they like. Unlike us adults they tend to be very open-minded and can try out their own ideas, free from pre-conceptions about what will and what won’t work. And of course they have the kind of crazy fancies we can only wish for, because for kids, when they are junk modelling, the sky is the limit (and sometimes as you trudge home with a million bags as well as your child’s delicate yet colossal construction you may feel you are reaching your limit).

Every girl needs accessories

 

So if you can cope with all your recycling coming back to haunt you, and all the clear space in your house cluttered up with crafty creations (I know, I know, deep breaths will help though), why not encourage your kids to get busy with some boxes? You can use it to discuss school stuff such as differing shapes and measurements – or just leave them be to enjoy the liberty of learning by themselves (or as you and I know it, actually making yourself a cup of tea and then actually finishing it before it gets cold). Of course you can also do it and feel smug that you are a little bit of an eco-warrior too, since you are kind of reusing your rubbish. And if you’re stuck for ideas, I’ve trawled Pinterest for you (for research purposes clearly) and popped all the best ideas from marble runs to mermaids into once convenient location…

Let me know if you enjoy a bit of junk modelling – or if you can’t wait to dissemble the designs and get them back in the bin ASAP!!!

Muuuuum, can we have a puppy please?

The majority of the mummies I know have stopped having babies. Instead many of their homes are now enjoying the pitter patter of tiny paws as a cute-as-you-like puppy joins the family. I have to admit I’m quite jealous. I would love to have a dog again – my faithful German Shorthaired Pointer died when my first child was a babe in arms. And that baby is now a seven-year-old daughter who is desperate for me to take the plunge again.

Officially the world's best dog - ever.

 

To be honest, I feel a little odd without a canine companion. This is probably because I was raised by dogs. Well, not literally – I don’t walk on all fours and greet my friends by sniffing their backsides (I don't) – but from age eleven I was raised alongside dogs. In a house that prioritises dogs and revolves around dogs. My parents breed, show, work, train and judge them. My mum spends her time organising dog events and attending them, promoting welfare and then discussing all this with like-minded pooch obsessives over the phone or Internet. Accordingly, my first ‘proper’ job was at Dog World, which produces Britain’s best-selling weekly canine newspaper (although I worked on a title about fish…).

But despite the fact I kinda want a dog and my daughter so very definitely wants a dog, I still feel some reluctance. I put this down to the fact that getting a dog is such a huge commitment. First you need the time and energy to be able to train a puppy properly, and then you need the time and energy to make sure the adult dog it grows into is taken care of properly. For maybe about 15 years! I haven’t even been married as along as that…

In the meantime, my daughter and I have spent hours poring over her dog breed encyclopaedia looking for a good-natured variety that won’t need excessive amounts of grooming or walking. While my heart belongs to pointers and vizslas (the breed I grew up with), realistically I don’t have the outdoors lifestyle and access to the acres of woodland that they need. At the moment the breed that seems most likely to suit us is the whippet. In general a whippet is lively but not too overwhelming for a household with very small members and visitors, his/her exercise needs are not extreme but still require you to go for a good walk twice a day and the short hair means the vacuuming won’t increase ten-fold. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

She won't be as pleased when she sees what they've done to her high heels...

 

But I remain hesitant (which must be torture for my optimistic offspring). So many days of my childhood were curtailed because of ‘the dogs’. Any teenage shopping trip was cut short to return to walking duties, friends could be reluctant to come round if they weren’t too keen on overzealous hounds jumping up and even when I suggested a date for my wedding there was a sigh because it clashed with an important dog show. Seriously.

 

Because, if you’re doing it right, being a dog owner is much the same as having a child. You made the decision to welcome it into your home and so the buck stops with you. If your dog chews up your shoes it’s less because he/she is a monster and more because you’ve left that dog unattended and bored for long enough it went to look for something to do. Chewing is something to do. If your dog howls so much the neighbours complain, you have to ask yourself where you were all that time. If your dog is fat, not only do you have to pick up the poo and the vet bills, you are to blame. It’s all about the guilt trip.

And that’s what I’m wondering. Do I really need to put myself under any more pressure? I don’t want to be the lady in the park with the unruly dog, any more than I want to be the parent with the disruptive child at school. It’s bad enough when your kids don’t listen to you – imagine standing in a field calling your dog’s name endlessly while it buggers off in the opposite direction. And I’m pretty sure you can’t bribe a dog to behave well in public by promising some extra pocket money.

But there’s definitely space in my heart for a dog – and surely it must just be a matter of time before my head comes round. I still talk to a lot of the dog owners at the park, and regularly get what I can only describe as ‘dog envy’ when there’s a new pup on the block, pulling at its lead, all big paws and enthusiastic eyes. One day, I tell myself, one day…

How about you - do you kids want a furry or feathery addition to the family? And have you succumbed? Let me know in the comment box below.

Enough already with the cupcakes!!

A major source of tension in this house is fussy eating. My youngest is basically a cheesy pasta addict. She’s happy to eat a variety of fruit and veg, whole wheat pasta and rice, wholemeal bread, yoghurt, baked beans and hummus but resists meat and fish and any form of potato (yes, even chips). Occasionally she will manage a sausage, provided it is not over-cooked, or even a meatball when pushed (not literally you understand, although it is tempting…).

Learning to cook from scratch

While most of what she is eats is relatively healthy – and oddly the types of food other parents often struggle to get their kiddos to eat – I would truly like to see her sample chicken or salmon and maybe even mix those items in among the whole grains and veg.

I’ve tried bribing with stickers, monetary rewards, chocolate – and I’ve tried showering her with attention and ignoring any undesirable foodie reactions. I’ve made ‘fun’ faces with food and put it on pretty plates; I’ve invited teddies and dolls to tea, put tiny amounts on her plate to avoid freaking her out and sat her near ‘good’ eaters – all with very little success. And I’d like to point out that I weaned her 'correctly', offering cubes of homemade purees according-to-Annabel as was the prevailing advice then (although baby-led weaning sounds a whole lot easier to me!!).

I am now resigned to the fact that she is what I refer to as a ‘Fanny fusspants’ and won’t change until she wants to. Or is ready to.

To be honest her elder sister was very similar. Cheesy pasta was also the dish of choice (maybe I just do really good cheesy pasta??), with chicken and fish fingers acceptable plus lots of fruit and veg and lots of yoghurts. And I’m pleased to say she grew out of it at some point (that I can’t even remember because I stopped stressing about it) and the other day even shared a Thai curry I’d cooked myself (I must have eaten a hundred of those while I was pregnant since it is my personal fave).

In fact during the Easter holidays I set my eldest daughter up on the Cook 5 scheme to encourage her to learn how to cook a variety of everyday recipes such as Bolognese and scrambled eggs. One of my most shocking moments in a supermarket was when a teenage checkout girl asked me if the parsnips I was buying were ‘some sort of white carrots or something?’ And I’m still frequently shocked when I realise many adults I know can’t cook – unless it involves opening a jar of ready-made sauce, moving simply from the freezer to the oven or stabbing a plastic cover. Although they do have miles tidier kitchens than me…

Not what is meant by 'food pyramid'...

 

I was lucky; I learnt full-on ‘domestic science’ at secondary school. And I was a bit of a teacher’s pet too. As well as being taught about conduction (hob), radiation (grill) and convection (oven), we were taught the basics – how to make several types of sauce, how to make different pastries, how to meal plan and how to store food hygienically. And it has actually proved a lot more useful than the simultaneous equations and iambic pentameters I learnt in other classes.

And since fashions come and go, it seems general food ignorance and rising child obesity (alongside the shock people seemed to suffer when they discovered lazy and low-price processed food tends to be full of the cheapest crap the producers can get their unwashed hands on) encouraged the government do some research. And it discovered that a shocking 60 per cent of pupils were leaving school unable to make a basic meal (although I suspect they all knew how to dial for a pizza). The government promptly put proper cooking back on the curriculum.

And it’s about time. For too long anything encouraging kids to cook has been focussed around bloomin’ cupcakes and cookies. Every book I’ve bought or been given that has a cute mummy/daughter (cliché anyone?) pic on the front seems to involve icing cakes or decorating biscuits. Because kids just don’t get enough sugar and fat in their diets do they? Even titles aimed at adults tend to focus on baking rather than cooking, often with a retro feel –as if everyone in the 1950’s did nothing but pop on a floral pinny and whip up a Victoria sponge dripping with jam and cream (they didn’t because rationing didn’t end until 1954 – and sugar and butter were some of the last items to come off rations!).

This is why I was attracted to the Cook 5 scheme. It aims to teach kids how to cook meals – not snacks and treats. There’s everything from filled jacket potatoes and penne with tomato sauce to various ways to cook salmon fillets. Once a child has uploaded photos of their resulting five creations they get a certificate. And further down the line there are cash prizes for recipes that earn online ‘likes’ and a massive dollop of dosh for the school that gets the most pupils uploading dishes.

I’m sort of hoping that the enthusiasm my elder daughter is showing in these new and varied dishes will at least pique the interest of her sister. Meanwhile my mini chef is learning about real food – how to buy it and how to cook it and hopefully won’t find herself struggling to learn nutrition retrospectively as an adult roly poly dependent on ready meals. And I’ll personally make sure she knows what a parsnip is…

What's your opinion on fast food and rising obesity? Do we all need to re-educate ourselves Mrs Beeton style? Comments in the box below please.

 

 

 

Playground politics - Fight or Flight?

This week my daughter was given a choice at school – move off the bench she was sitting on or get kicked. Her options were charmingly laid before her by a boy two years older – and considerably bigger – than her. To my shock, she did as requested and moved. Her pluckier friend however remained at the bench, and interestingly did not receive any punishment for doing so.

When my daughter recounted the story I was quite cross, since her sister had recently witnessed a friend being subjected to an equally unpleasant experience in the playground, and I had told them both after hearing about it that they should try and stand up to people like that. I had basically told them that it is okay to push someone away if they are hurting you or a friend – particularly if it is a boy, and especially if it is an older boy. Scream and shout at them, I instructed, tell them they are not allowed to push you around. Call a grown up and make sure the bully is caught.

No time to learn Jedi mind tricks - get him!!!

But the subject is a sensitive one. Of course I would be mortified if I was called into school because either of my girls had been in a fight, despite practically giving them a green light to bash a bully if needs be. But equally, I can’t bear to think of them being afraid of another child – even a mean one that could actually harm them. Is walking away – even if it is an option – really the best solution? Or should you stand your ground and see what happens? Should you fight fire with fire  – and is 'telling' on someone enough?

If I'm honest, if I thought for one second that they were being bullied or intimidated by another child, I’d have to be held down myself when I saw the parents at pick up. Although I’m sure adults ‘calling each other out’ at the school gates is neither a good example to set, a solution to the problem – or the politically correct way to handle the situation, it would be my gut reaction. And it would certainly make for an unusual front page in the local rag…

So how can I teach my children to effectively cope with bullies? Especially when I’m not even sure I can cope with them myself. Because let’s face it, intimidation isn’t just restricted to school playgrounds. How often do we as adults find ourselves doing things we would rather not, saying yes when we want to say no or shying away from a situation because of another person? It happens at work, within families, among friends, in relationships and in everyday situations from the guy peddling dusters at your door to a stranger pushing in front of you at the supermarket. It might not all come with the threat of violence, it might even be cunningly wrapped up as emotional blackmail, but it comes down to the ‘bully’ getting his or her own way because you are afraid of the ramifications of a confrontation.

And perhaps that is why it upsets me so much. I know I have backed down, left good jobs and missed opportunities to avoid upsetting and dealing with difficult people – people that do a good line in overreacting. I can’t bear to think that my girls will go through anything like that later in life – from some miserable idiot that blocks a promotion through jealousy to a boyfriend that doesn’t cut you lose until he has secured his next deal. I don’t want them to feel that anxiety in the pit of your stomach when you know you are putting up and shutting up. I want kick-arse kids – but ones that miraculously don’t get themselves into trouble because of all their ‘tude.

The ultimate blagger - Mummy is too polite to ask him to leave (The Tiger Who Came to Tea - Judith Kerr).

Which leaves me up the do-do creek – without the proverbial paddle. But I guess this is just one of the many paradoxes of parenting. You want your kids to be gentle souls yet tough when needs must, to be self-confident not self-centred, you want them to succeed in life but not be burdened by the worries of practicality, you want them to laugh and play but to study too, to take those risks life presents yet somehow never taste failure.

Basically, you want the impossible for them, because you love them impossibly.

Have you had to deal with bullying – or do you worry about toughening up your kiddo to deal with real life? Is it wrong to hit back – and does ignoring intimidation really work? Help me out by adding your comments and experiences below.